Tough Old Bird

I feel angst today.   I'm not sure if that is due to lack of sleep or something deeper.  But it is definitely angst that I am feeling.

Mr. Finn is due to leave soon and as much as I enjoy not picking up after him and pretending to come up with ideas for dinner on a regular basis, I really don't like it when he is gone.  Deep down inside I like knowing he is within 50 feet of me at all times when I am sleeping or whatever I am doing, like watching TV in my office.

I realized that today when I thought about him leaving and it made me sad.  I thought I was excited for a minute and then I realized that is what I tell everyone else.  That way they don't ply me with pity questions about how I am doing all the time.

I really don't like that!

I am tough.  I really am.  It came as a surprise to me.  The older I got the tougher I got.  Kind of like an old bird.  The older the tougher.  Isn't that the saying?

But, I am kind of a wimp when it comes to being alone at night.  I hear everything and I imagine everything else.  I know the weak spots in my home and I obsess over their deficiencies.

Besides, it is comforting to hear him breathing beside me even when I want to be asleep and not hear anything else.

He is a comfort to me.  In more ways than as just my protector.  He is the things I am not and sometimes I find that extremely comforting. 

 And somedays it is annoying, but not when he is gone.

Besides, who is going to go out in the freezing weather and blow the snow off my driveway when he is hundreds of miles away?  Can you imagine these two with that shovel taking care of it?