Sunday, January 23, 2011

Face Off

I feel like my life is a Hockey Game every day.
It starts with the Face Off.
Me vs Day.
Me vs Kids.
Me vs ?

The truth is that this Face Off determines my day.

Most of the time I end up in a "scrap" with whatever has had the misfortune of getting in my way.  Sometimes that is a good thing if it was something bad.

But sometimes it is my children.

I struggle with patience on a daily basis and unfortunately my children bear the brunt of that weakness in me.  I feel cornered and trapped with a feeling that all things are going to implode.

They can tune it out, but I know it damages their spirits.  
Who wants to be yelled at by the person they love the most?
In a blessing I received a while back I was counseled to make sure my children knew they were loved on a daily basis.

I love them on a daily basis.  It's the showing and making them feel safe that I battle with.

They are really good children.  A bit headstrong, but who am I kidding?  Look at their parents.  Mr. Finn and I can certainly hold our own.
I need to find a balance of showing love and being a strong parent. 

I find it a difficult balance.  Mainly because I feel so out of control.  I feel that the kids are stronger willed than me and won't back down when I need them to do something.

They will.

I just have to practice patience and strength together.

I always feel so relieved when they do as they are asked.  Like a big wave of relief.

I shouldn't feel that way.  I am just grateful that they have not put me through the ringer.

I have so much work to do as a Mother.  But, I want to be the kind of mother that is fair, kind and immensely loving.
I truly believe a child cannot be spoiled by too much love.
At the end of this journey I want to have my children on my team because we have mutual love and respect for each other.

That begins with me.

(photos from annual New Years Eve Hockey Game)


Will and Marcie Davis said...

Oh girl we ALL have those days. Every one of us battles with the guilt of not being "good enough", nice enough, fun enough. You are a great Mom and you are beating yourself up WAY too much! Your kids love you and will always love you! All the lord asks is that we try. NOT try our our BEST is never what WE think our best is. He just asks that we try. You are doing a GREAT job and the next time you feel like you aren't know that there are about a million kids out there who would give ANYTHING to have a Mom like you! (faults and all) You're amazing Robin and I love you!

Margaret said...

Looking back I think there were two things going on when I yelled - my own selfishness (it's about me and all the work they are piling on me) and some sense that they were being "bad." And looking back most of the time they were doing what they did for being the good people that they are.

Although I still get upset inside when I hear that high pitched laugh that means they're about to go over the edge (now of course it's the grandkids.) It's the strangest thing to yell at kids for laughing!

I think you're great

Shannon said...

Recognizing an area that you want to improve is half the battle. It can be really hard when you have two head-strong people facing off; Paul and I used to butt heads, but then I found his weak point - if I can make him laugh, it dissolves all of the tension. Maybe that would work for you, too. :)
And you are AWESOME - don't let the adversary tell you different!

Anonymous said...

Leave it to the Canadian to describe the struggle to instill discipline like a Hockey game.
-Mr. Finn