Friday, August 27, 2010

A Realized Blessing

I have dreamed of being a mother my whole life.  My PB told me that I would have children in such a way that I knew I would get pregnant someday and give birth.  For a while I didn't know if this blessing would be realized in this life.  I loved my two children that became mine through marriage, but I still yearned for the new baby.  

After many years of not getting pregnant I became quite depressed and was given a blessing in which I was promised that there were spirits that needed to come to me and my husband.  And that they would need to come to our family because we would know how to raise them.  This became harder to understand when I knew that a divorce was imminent and we would not be having children.  Besides, I really couldn't imagine having a baby with my ex husband and hadn't felt that way for a long time.  The baby was more about what I wanted and craved than something that was desired as a married couple.

Many years (like 3) later I married Mr. Finn and my desire to have a baby became an obsession.  I would co-opt babies during Church and stare into their little faces searching for answers about my babies.  Did these sweet little spirits have any knowledge of little ones waiting for me?  It almost drove me crazy and Mr. Finn surely could feel my angst.  

And so I loved on those babies more.

I was thinking about that blessing and I UNDERSTAND it completely now.  Miss Boo and the Dude had to come to our home.  No one else could raise them.  I feel very inadequate as their mother, but I know that our Heavenly Father knew our qualities and what we would bring to parenthood, this parenthood and what our children would need.

When we receive blessings, I had always assumed they were to be realized at the time they were given.  The blessing wasn't for that time 12 years ago, it was for this time, with these children and this husband.  As imperfect as we may seem, we "seam" together in a perfect unity for the betterment of us all as this FAMILY.

And so now, I hug on these babies as my new obsession.

Because I know they want me to.


Tamaratravel said...

That's so beautiful..What a blessing to be a mother when the time is right...Btw..if you want to co-opt some more I'll send her your way..

Shannon said...

What a beautiful post, Robin.