Thursday, February 16, 2012
I have a propensity for four letter words. We always imagine the worst when we say "it's a four letter word".
There are a lot of good words that have four letters, but my mind always focuses on the bad ones.
Hence the reason I am going to be repenting till the day I die.
There is another four letter word that has a few more letters than it should.
I have friends that have friends or family that have suffered through it and have lost ones to it, but I have never had to experience it that closely.
Until the phone call came last night. I knew something was up when it was MomE's cell phone. She never calls me on that phone.
My Dad was diagnosed with Prostate Cancer.
It's one of those things that when someone tells about "someone" they know having cancer, you feel so much sympathy for them. How can they be going through something so awful? How are they not falling apart? Just a few questions that cross my mind. It has always been a four letter word to me. Something so awful, it shouldn't be spoken.
It's funny that when she told me, I just felt calm. I didn't know how I felt. I can't even imagine how they are handling it. It is so close and personal for them.
My daughter, Nyoka asked me how I was doing today when I told her and I said, "OK" and then I cracked a little. I started to think about other things. How much I didn't want my Dad to have to go through this. My Mom either. How hard it could be for them both emotionally and financially. I thought about how this could cinch their not coming to their grand daughters baptism in May.
I feel sad and drained. IT is not even happening to me and I am emotionally exhausted.
How will my Mom be ABLE to COPE? She is stronger than me, that's for sure. She will do as she always does and handle it gracefully, but I will pray and pray that she does not have a hard time with it.
I wish I were closer at times like this.
I am thinking of another four letter word.
The LORD will bless them. He is always NEAR. Another four letter word.
LOVE. I feel an overwhelming sense of love towards them. That is why others grieve when there is tragedy or trials of loved ones.
It's nice to be able to think of some "NICE" four letters words. Maybe they will run out the bad ones that flit around aimlessly in my head and wait for an opportunity for me to open my mouth so they can rush out.