Monday, January 16, 2012

What comes first?

I have a really wonderful friend that is so open about herself and her spirituality on her blog.  I envy her.  I find that I hold back a lot about me these days.  I'm not sure when it happened completely, but I do know some of the reasons why.  I can't put those reasons on here unfortunately.  I am not that brave.

I used to use my journal for an outlet of emotions and baggage I carry around, but since I don't write in there anymore because it got too negative and dark, I tried to use my blog.  And for a while it was working for me.

Until I got lost somewhere.
I read my old posts and I wonder how I was that person.

Interesting, funny and open.

I can't find her right now, but I am not giving up.  Maybe I will find her in this period of trial I am going through.

There is light at the end of the tunnel.  I hope it is "light" inside of me.

The message/lesson in RS was about "Love Thy Neighbor As Thyself".  I find it harder to love myself.  I wonder how many other people fall into this category.  I wonder if we considered ourselves as a "neighbor", would we be more charitable with our thoughts.  Would the self flogging abate?

I remember a quote I heard once that we should pray to see others as our Heavenly Father does.  I have never once thought about praying to see myself as He does.

Maybe that is where I should start.  We learn what we need from the lessons that are given.  I saw that many people were glad to be reminded of how to treat others.  I was glad to be reminded that I need to treat myself better.

And when you feel better about who you are, it resonates with those you come in contact with.  It makes you want to share your "joy" with others, to lessen their burdens.  Whatever they may be.

So, with that in mind...


Ben and Laurie said...

I really like this post. It's inside you--you just have to have him help you pull it out. One time on my mission, we performed this musical number by Michael McClean during a close friend's baptism. It's always stuck with me. Take a look at
Even without the music, the words are a powerful reminder of what Satan is trying to get us to forget--how much we are loved.

Shannon said...

Robin, you are strong, funny, generous, kind and creative. I don't know what your challenges are right now, but you are loved - by Heavenly Father and by me (plus a lot of other people!) Hang in there. When the adversary tries to discourage you, think like Moses and say "who are you? I am a (daughter) of God!" Sending hugs.