Isn't that how life is? You are compelled by the very fact that it is your life. Sometimes unable or unwilling to change the course of events as they unfold. At the same time caught up in the moment and the sheer horror/beauty of what you are experiencing.
Hind sight always makes it seem easier or dramatic than it was, but I don't think it can truly recount what you felt during it. I find that my emotions during trials run heavy. Like a movie with the music thundering in your ears signaling the moment in which something epic will happen.
Trials are like that... they seem almost impossible when you are in them, almost inconceivable that you will be able to survive that moment.
One of the conference talks I listened to today resonated with me. The speaker was sharing about the passing of his mother that had battled cancer for ten years. At her funeral, a prophet or general authority (I am never good with details) spoke and said that many would say that she suffered because of something she had done in her life, but he said she was a good women and the Lord just wanted to refine her some more while in this life. It is a paraphrase and probably not a good one, but the message was clear to me.
We are in the last days. He is refining his chosen people. Weeding out the chaff.
Where will we fall? Will we live up to the refinement. Will it be too hard and give up?
Will we turn to the Lord for strength and guidance? Will we trust Him?
Will our refinement be sufficient to earn us a place in our Heavenly Father's Kingdom?