Ah.... choo!

Have you ever been hungry when you are full?

These past two days are driving my crazy.  All I want to do is eat even though I feel full.  What is that about?  I have lost quite a bit of weight and I feel like my body is wanting to put it back on overnight.

Aagghhhhh!

Middle age stinks!

So, I made myself some pasta tonight with olive oil and basil with tomatoes.  It was good, but the pizza I made my family, had my attention.  This tasted delightful, but I can't get my mind off food.

I know it has something to do with the fact that I am not getting much sleep.  The Dude woke up screaming Saturday night with an ear infection.  It was such a long night that when my alarm went off, I set it to wake up an hour later and call Bro. Williams to take my class because I was so beat.  Only 2 hours of sleep, so I slept until 1 p.m.  That helped, but that is when this whole "I want to eat" thing started.

Mr. Finn is sick.  The cat is over throwing up after a not so inexpensive trip to the vet.  What can you do?  She was so sick for so many days.  Now she sneezed all day long.

Can cats get colds?

Between the cat and Mr. Finn, the wheezing was hard to ignore last night.  When my alarm went off it was all I could do to get up and gets kids ready for school.

My goal is to get through this season without falling prey to this awful cold that is traveling through our home.

Can you believe it is that last day of January?

And that it was almost 70 degrees today?  It felt more like spring and a lot less like winter.

I wonder what we are in for...

That kind of day...

I went to bed late.
Really late.
The cat is sick.
Really sick.
Throwing up every couple of hours sick.
When I did go to bed at midnight, I got woke up two hours later.
I slept in until almost 10 a.m.
I had the most awesome dream ever.
Got to blow up a building with a James Bond type dude named Joe.
It was totally cool!

In fact, I used that exact phrase when I woke up this morning.
My dreams lately are better than movies.
Worth sleeping in for.

I also dreamt of carrot cake muffins with cream cheese buttercream frosting.

 So I made some!

And they were almost as good as my dream.

Worth the trouble

Little boy with hat he doesn't like.  See the look on his face.  Too bad you missed the screaming that came right after picture was snapped.

 See boy with Star Wars hat.  Very happy boy with fake smile.  But no screams.  See Mom with fake smile.  There were quite a few pictures in between these two.

 See little girl playing along with Mommy.  Oh, how I love that girl.

 Little girl remembered to put her glasses on and went for a more civilized picture.  My hat is much more fitting.  lol

 Only family picture we got this year for our new years letter.  Wow!  At least we have one.

It was my idea to go to the Hallmark Center for a family picture.  I just didn't imagine how hard it would be orchestrate.  At least I get an "A" for effort.

When I grow up....

I don't remember what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I remember writing a lot about who I would marry and names of children I would have, but never about what/who I would be.  Most kids have dreams of what they want to be.  It was never very clear to me what my strengths were.  I was shy, withdrawn, timid and a bit scared of most things.

I was always afraid to commit to things because it took so long to accomplish them.  Like college.  It seemed like so much time, but I remember the day I realized that four years had passed away and I could have been finished had I started.  

That is when I made a decision to do something... anything.

That decision led me to a mission.  

That mission led me to know me better.  First time that I ever had a spiritual conversation with myself.  And through a lot of learning experiences, I knew who I was.

That opinion has changed and wavered over the years, but I am still standing.

I envy my daughter.  She knows she wants to be an artist.  We make sure to encourage her every chance we get.  She needs to know that she can achieve her dreams of what she wants to be when she grows up.  That may change as the years go by, but I want to make sure that she does have a dream of WHO she will be.  And who she already is.

By the way... she loves Bob Ross.  I love that she can say that and mean it with a straight face.

Gentle

Words and Music by Micheal McLean


Like a gentle wind can blow the clouds from the sky,
Like a gentle touch can ease the pain of goodbye,
Like a gentle smile embraces empty souls in lonely places,
We should be more gentle with ourselves.

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Like the friend who gently builds us up when we're down,
Like a gentle kiss can turn our world all around,
We've been hurt by others often,
We've forgiven and forgotten,
We should be more gentle with ourselves.

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Life can be hard but
we need not be so hard
on ourselves,
If we will see

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Like the Shepherd leads his flock with gentle commands.
With his gentle voice that only hearts understand.
One thing we can know for certain, He has borne the awful burdens
so we can be more gentle with ourselves.

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One thing that I know for certain:
He will bear my every burden,
So I can be gentle with myself.

Thanks Laurie!

What comes first?

I have a really wonderful friend that is so open about herself and her spirituality on her blog.  I envy her.  I find that I hold back a lot about me these days.  I'm not sure when it happened completely, but I do know some of the reasons why.  I can't put those reasons on here unfortunately.  I am not that brave.

I used to use my journal for an outlet of emotions and baggage I carry around, but since I don't write in there anymore because it got too negative and dark, I tried to use my blog.  And for a while it was working for me.

Until I got lost somewhere.
I read my old posts and I wonder how I was that person.

Interesting, funny and open.

I can't find her right now, but I am not giving up.  Maybe I will find her in this period of trial I am going through.

There is light at the end of the tunnel.  I hope it is "light" inside of me.

The message/lesson in RS was about "Love Thy Neighbor As Thyself".  I find it harder to love myself.  I wonder how many other people fall into this category.  I wonder if we considered ourselves as a "neighbor", would we be more charitable with our thoughts.  Would the self flogging abate?

I remember a quote I heard once that we should pray to see others as our Heavenly Father does.  I have never once thought about praying to see myself as He does.

Maybe that is where I should start.  We learn what we need from the lessons that are given.  I saw that many people were glad to be reminded of how to treat others.  I was glad to be reminded that I need to treat myself better.

And when you feel better about who you are, it resonates with those you come in contact with.  It makes you want to share your "joy" with others, to lessen their burdens.  Whatever they may be.

So, with that in mind...

Where does the time go....

Eleven years ago today I married this guy.

And these are some of the eleven reasons why.  According to Mr. Finn, since I am Canadian my math can be a little fuzzy.

He loves to share his passions with his family.

 He makes a pretty handy umbrella holder.

He makes a really great pillow.

 Is the best seat in town.

 Teaches our children.

 Shares the things he learns by taking us on geneology trips.

 Will play with the kids in the freezing cold.

Instituted our annual New Years Eve Hockey game.

 Spends time helping the children learn the basics of life.

 Can bring home dinner...

 Makes sure we stop and see what the world has to offer.

 He can be silly.

I absolutely love that he will play with our children.

This video is so much fun to watch.  If you have a couple of minutes, it is worth the time.  Makes me miss my little boy.

Nothing makes Mr. Finn happier than when I post pictures of him.  Sorry Hon, but this is about why I am married to you and and... it is my blog.

Happy Anniversary!

So very Random

Miss Boo's favorite day of the week is Wednesday because it is Art day.

The Dude loves chicken nuggets or tuna for breakfast.

I just spent 5 hours cleaning my daughter's room.  Sheesh!  She is a hoarder in infancy.
Don't tell her, but 2 boxes of stuff did not make it back into her room.
I did the same to her brother's room a couple of days ago.  The difference is that he is willing to give up stuff in order to have room for his new christmas gifts.

The Dude lost his blankey right after Christmas.  Mr. Finn tells me yesterday that he thinks he might have trashed it with the wrapping paper.  That boy misses it so badly.

My friend Sandy lost her Mother yesterday after a long battle with cancer.  It is sad and a relief at the same time.  My thoughts are with her today.

My friend Angie from Bishop called today out of the blue.  It is good to hear from old friends that you haven't heard from in a very long time.

Tomorrow I will have been married 11 years.

Today I am grumpy and tired.

"Queen" Victoria

Official notice of occupancy.

Name:   Victoria
Age:      2-3 years old
Size:      Average (takes up more space than you would expect)

Favorite room:  Any with a blanket
Favorite person:  Whoever is scratching her ears

The kids are so very excited to have a pet.  The poor cat will eventually get adjusted to all the attention.  Whether she wants to or not.  Because all they want to do is love her and love on her every second of the day.

All hail the Queen.

Chicken

It was the last five minutes of RS and a sister was sharing her testimony.  Moments before Laurie had nudged me and said, "It's your turn".  I felt an instantaneous tightening of my stomach.

I sat wondering what I could possibly share.  I truly couldn't put any thoughts together.  I have a testimony but I was wondering why I couldn't find anything to share.  Why was that?

At two minutes until the end of class it struck me that I was looking for some "pat" testimony to share.  That isn't me.  My testimony is the things that make me live the gospel every day.  The things that I learn when I feel as if I am stalled out.

Laurie reminded me yesterday when we were trying to get the paint sprayer to work on this job we contracted to do for her husband's dentist office.  She said we needed to say a prayer.  I was thinking about how that is such a trivial thing  to ask of our Heavenly Father.  This was something we needed to figure out.  But, there was such power in the simplicity of her prayer.  As we continued to work on the sprayer I realized that it was her faith that held that power.  She didn't doubt that she would get an answer in some way.

It helped me remember that He does listen and like us as parents wants to help us when we have exhausted our own resources.

The sprayer started to work again but hours later it took a turn for the worse.  At this time she said we needed to rent and so we did.  We had a conversation about why we didn't receive this answer hours before when it broke the first time or the day before when it acted up.

It wasn't because of her faith, it was because of mine.  I tend to lean on my own willfulness and insecurities before I go to the Lord for help.

I am grateful that I got to spend the time with Laurie working frantically to complete the painting of this 5200 sq foot building.  It was the hardest I have worked for four days and it was a great experience to have with her.  I laughed a lot, sweated a lot and was exhausted, but in some ways I came out energized in the end.  Even after only 3 hours of sleep.

Jonette saw that I was about to rise and share my testimony, but I shied away.  I didn't have the courage to rise anyway when the RS president was getting up.  She would have allowed me my moment.  I caught Jonette's eye and she asked if I was o.k.?  I nodded yes.  I was fine.  Disappointed in myself, but relieved that I knew I had a testimony and that was good for me.

After RS was over, Jonette motioned me over and asked me to share my testimony with her.  I was overcome with emotion.  She is such a warm person that sees the needs in others and gently encourages.  I am grateful for her in our ward and that she has shown such service and kindness to me.

As I finished up this job with Laurie I told her I was glad we are still friends and that I was not doing another one like this.  She is a very hard worker with a deep spiritual drive.  Thank you Laurie for making it so much fun and for helping me to learn some much needed lessons in my life.  I also learned that she is a prankster, especially when she knows a weakness.  And yes... I am paranoid.