Big ole jet liner

To:  Ms. Finn

It sure would be nice to find you and the kids at the gate. 

Sent remotely by

Mr. Finn

Up for air.

I am staring down at Friday and wondering where the heck the rest of the week went.

Seriously?

I have been swamped with work.  Housework, mainly laundry and work for the HOA.
I even spent a portion of today helping a friend with her blog and having lunch.

It takes a lot of supplies to accomplish what I am doing this week.  Haha

Computer #1

It take s a total of two computers working simultaneously to get it all done.

This is the busy time for me.  Billing and newsletter.  Seems like so little when I put it down here, but I know the truth.  I had to creative new invoices and statements that had a tear off on the bottom.  Had to create recurrent billing so I didn't have to input these 275 invoices again next year.  (I know your thinking how smart I am right now, huh?)  Well, if I had known what I was doing it would have been a piece of cake but what I have learned is that it takes an an average of 3 times to get it right.

You do the math.  I am tired of counting.

But, the billing is done.  Now I just need someone that wants to stuff all those envelopes.

Sheesh.

This year, err... week almost killed me.

Really, it did.

Not buying it?

Me neither.

But, it was tiring.

And tomorrow.

My Mr. Finn arrives home from the frozen tundra.

Whoop!


Because this weekend I plan on spending some time here.

Pay no attention to the discarded tissues.  I shed many a tear today.

I do want to give a big shout out to the Finn kids for "letting" me work, and I use that term loosely.  But when they were giving me space, they were were doing a lot of this.

My TV Zombies for the day.  I am not even going to accept any feelings of guilt with it either.

See, I am healthier already.

A New Day, A New Attitude

Ok.  So I totally freaked out my husband yesterday.
I get this call from him that went like this.

Hi... how are you?

I'm fine.

Realllly?

Yes.  I am o.k.

Are you sure about that?

Why?

I just read your blog and you don't sound o.k.

I told him I had just got my b*%@ kicked by our children.

He said he understood.  That it is hard when you are trying to implement rules and boundaries with the kids that it can be really hard.

It was a really hard week.  The first week that he is gone to Minnesota is usually difficult for the children anyways, but they have started completely ignoring me and that had to dealt with.  It was hard.  I wanted to cave many times, which made me feel useless.  I didn't cave, but it was hard.  Did I mention it was hard?

We survived.  No one was harmed in the making of these boundaries although my skin is a bit thicker.

I love my children.  I am grateful that they are so strong in their wills.  Someday I will be more grateful than I am now when they are in front of really hard temptations and decisions.  Then I will be extremely grateful.

Church was canceled yesterday for snow.  I really needed to go to church if only for the break from the children.  About 5 p.m. I got a text from a friend stating that she was going to be baptized that night at 8 p.m.

I struggled with that news.  It was late, the kids go to bed earlier than that and the roads weren't particularly ideal.  And... I looked terrible.
No church = no makeup, etc.

I battled until 6:30 and then asked Heavenly Father what I should do.  I asked the children and then we got ready.  We arrived just in time and I am so glad for this experience.

Miss Boo was anxious to see a real baptism as she is getting baptized when she is eight and is already planning it.  The Dude... not so much.  He was tired and cranky.

 After 5 attempts due to not enough water in the font, she was baptized.  This caused some concern for Miss Boo.  I assured her that on her day we would find her some pants to wear instead of the sixties dress they had for Kenna.

The children were good for the first half hour, but the yawns were abundant and they were having a hard time concentrating.  I laughed at the Dude when we were going to sing a song.  He declared quite loudly that it was horrible.  (his favorite adjective these days)  After listening for a bit he declares even more loudly that this is a song from Primary and starts singing, humming loudly.  I loved it.

I am proud of them for "behaving".

It turned out to be a good day.

And... a good samaritan shoveled the snow off our driveway.  What a great thing to do.  I was just grumbling to myself that I didn't want to go out in the cold to do it and Voile!, it was done.

I am better today.  Thank you all for your support, love and advice.
No need to pull out the straight jacket just yet.

Face Off

I feel like my life is a Hockey Game every day.
It starts with the Face Off.
Me vs Day.
Me vs Kids.
Me vs ?

The truth is that this Face Off determines my day.

Most of the time I end up in a "scrap" with whatever has had the misfortune of getting in my way.  Sometimes that is a good thing if it was something bad.

But sometimes it is my children.

I struggle with patience on a daily basis and unfortunately my children bear the brunt of that weakness in me.  I feel cornered and trapped with a feeling that all things are going to implode.

They can tune it out, but I know it damages their spirits.  

Who wants to be yelled at by the person they love the most?

In a blessing I received a while back I was counseled to make sure my children knew they were loved on a daily basis.

I love them on a daily basis.  It's the showing and making them feel safe that I battle with.

They are really good children.  A bit headstrong, but who am I kidding?  Look at their parents.  Mr. Finn and I can certainly hold our own.

I need to find a balance of showing love and being a strong parent. 

I find it a difficult balance.  Mainly because I feel so out of control.  I feel that the kids are stronger willed than me and won't back down when I need them to do something.

They will.

I just have to practice patience and strength together.

I always feel so relieved when they do as they are asked.  Like a big wave of relief.

I shouldn't feel that way.  I am just grateful that they have not put me through the ringer.

I have so much work to do as a Mother.  But, I want to be the kind of mother that is fair, kind and immensely loving.
I truly believe a child cannot be spoiled by too much love.

At the end of this journey I want to have my children on my team because we have mutual love and respect for each other.

That begins with me.

(photos from annual New Years Eve Hockey Game)

Snow Day

I used to believe that I wouldn't be able to handle the day when my last baby went to Kindergarten because he would be gone all day.

And then God gave me snow days.  Like today.

I wanted some peace and quiet so I could watch some TV.  Not anything productive, but I had worked all morning getting things ready for the annual billing I do for the HOA.

What I got was this.

And this.

And of course, just one more time Mom!

And all because of this I will be looking forward to 6 1/2 hours of SILENCE when they are both in school next year.

I got to plow the six inches off our driveway.  Thank you Mr. Finn for the snowblower.  Much easier than the shovel, but still cold and tiring, especially with the wind.  Can't tell you how many times I got a face full of snow.  Brrrrrrrrrr!

What you don't see in this picture is the fighting and me breaking down.  It wasn't pretty!

I did end up 50 cents richer because of a little someone running their mouth at me last night. (NO)

Today I ended up with $1.00 for the other little person that couldn't control his outbursts of his favorite bad word.  (hate)

Where is the instruction manual that should have come with these children?

I need to check with the manufacturer about some insight.  Because I don't have a clue most days.

p.s.  I didn't mind the cheerleading.  Don't get me wrong.  It was sweet!  It's just sometimes I want 5 minutes of absolute quiet.

Four Eyes are better than...

Miss Boo has had her glasses for over a month and most of the time they can be found here.

Not here.

She tends to get headaches when she doesn't wear them to school and especially for reading.  Besides, I think she looks adorable in them.  I wish I could have had pink glasses when I was a kid.  Maybe I would have looked happier in this picture.

Seriously!  I am the only one in this photo not smiling.  

Maybe that is where Miss Boo gets it from.  

She isn't a big smiler.  

Well, actually she isn't big on showing her teeth when she smiles.  

She is subtle.

Like her Mom.

(maybe it is because of the "beautiful" dress I am wearing.  Why am I in a long dress?)

So, after careful consideration I made this sign for the back door...

Miss Boo,

Do you have

your glasses?


Let's see if it helps.

Tough Old Bird

I feel angst today.   I'm not sure if that is due to lack of sleep or something deeper.  But it is definitely angst that I am feeling.

Mr. Finn is due to leave soon and as much as I enjoy not picking up after him and pretending to come up with ideas for dinner on a regular basis, I really don't like it when he is gone.  Deep down inside I like knowing he is within 50 feet of me at all times when I am sleeping or whatever I am doing, like watching TV in my office.

I realized that today when I thought about him leaving and it made me sad.  I thought I was excited for a minute and then I realized that is what I tell everyone else.  That way they don't ply me with pity questions about how I am doing all the time.

I really don't like that!

I am tough.  I really am.  It came as a surprise to me.  The older I got the tougher I got.  Kind of like an old bird.  The older the tougher.  Isn't that the saying?

But, I am kind of a wimp when it comes to being alone at night.  I hear everything and I imagine everything else.  I know the weak spots in my home and I obsess over their deficiencies.

Besides, it is comforting to hear him breathing beside me even when I want to be asleep and not hear anything else.

He is a comfort to me.  In more ways than as just my protector.  He is the things I am not and sometimes I find that extremely comforting. 

 And somedays it is annoying, but not when he is gone.

Besides, who is going to go out in the freezing weather and blow the snow off my driveway when he is hundreds of miles away?  Can you imagine these two with that shovel taking care of it?

Hang Ten...

It seems like yesterday I was standing in the foyer of the Los Angeles Temple waiting for my soon to be husband to arrive so we could be married.  Finally.  It was going to be the best day of my life.  I knew it!  I could feel it.

I was elated and bubbling with joy.  My groom would be here any minute.

What?  No, he isn't here yet.  I can't go get ready until he arrives?  Ok.  I will wait here, it will be any minute.

Nervous excitement flitted around inside my stomach.  Anytime....

Seriously anytime now.

Nervous... not quite excitement.

Is that him coming through the door.

Nervous... worried.  Where is he?

There he is...  nope, not yet.

Nervous, worried, scared, worried, anxious, worried.

Is he coming?  Has it seriously been that long since I last looked at the clock?

Where is he?  No answer again on his cell phone.

42 minutes of waiting.  Everyone that was inside waiting is now in the foyer plying me with questions and words of encouragement.  "He will be here", they all say.

I know.... nervous anxiety romping around in my gut.

45 minutes.

The doors open.

My sweetheart enters with that grin on his face.

That darn traffic and florist.

One hour later...

We were married.

For Time and all Eternity.

I love my Mr. Finn!

The Art of Listening

A woman says to her husband, "Where did you put the picture of the grandkids we got in the mail?"

I don't know replies her husband.

She replies, "I hope you didn't burn them." (Her husband had burned the christmas wrapping paper earlier that day.)

Later she finds the pictures and tells her husband that she found them.

She then turns her attention to another picture given them by another daughter. Discovering it to be the wrong size she tells her husband that she is going to scan it and make it the size she has hanging on her wall.

Satisfied with the work she has done for the day she goes to bed sure all is well in the world.

The next day upon arriving home from work she sees another copy of the picture she scanned and reduced sitting on the table. Wondering why there was another copy she asks her husband.

He replies; "I told her you burned her picture so we needed another one!"

Disclaimer:

Nobody got burned in the making of this story.

This story is not about me and my hubby.

It is a true story.

Still pondering the "fluffy".

I've pondered on all the New Years Resolutions I have read around the blogging community and it has made me think about my lack of having one.  Really.

I say I want to be less "fluffy", but to be completely honest to myself, (and you) I have ZERO desire.  I have WANT but not "get up and go".

I want to wake up tomorrow and be the size I was 2 years ago.  I was happy with that body. Or at least I am now.  Weight is subjective.  When I weigh a lesser weight I am always thinking it would be better if...

When I am heavier I look back on that weight and think I was perfect.  See the vicious cycle?

I need to just find solace in what I am.  Be o.k. with the way I look.

I am not obese.  That is something, right?

Why is it so hard for women (and some men) to be o.k. with how they look.  I read a post today that says the media (TV) have made it impossible for us to be happy with our physical appearance and blame US for not weighing the perfect weight.

What is the perfect weight?

I guess that depends on how you feel about you, I suppose.

I was feeling o.k. about my weight and even thought the curves were kind of sexy.

Until we took our family photo and realized I looked more like a potato.  There is a reason I did not pick the one with us standing up.  And... this picture is cropped for obvious reasons.

(The question is:  What the heck am I looking at?  They are looking at a stuffed cat!)

Apparently my mind can see what it wants in the mirror.

Is that a bad thing?

Or has society taught us the definition of shape.

I was watching a documentary show on Discovery and in the background were artworks of these voluptuous victorian women.  They were huge by todays standards, but were considered beautiful and most desirable back in the ? century.  (this isn't a history lesson so the facts won't be spot on.)

When did that change?  Why did that change?  Who changed it?

Why did women allow that image to change?

I guess what I am trying to say is...

Is it o.k. to love yourself as is and come what may?

Or...

Is that an excuse to be "fluffy"?

A Fluffy Dilemna

I was trying to keep the Dude quiet while the others slept in yesterday.  After all it has been a hard week of being sick for almost everyone.  But... alas, the Dude is incapable of "quietness".  He chose to play with his Mighty Beans in the closet with Daddy's shoe boxes.

Moooommmmmmmmmm!  This one won't mighty bean!

Why?  I ask.

It's too fluffy!

See the difference?

I now understand why I can't "Mighty Bean" around the house.  The little... errr, fat.... errrr, FLUFFY guy seems to be a little malicious.  I believe he may have put a curse on me.

I can't imagine how else I would have gotten this "fluffy" in my life.  It would have nothing to do with eating.  I'm quite sure of that.

I am going with conspiracy for the whole Fluffy Thing.

Anyways, I believe I have my New Years Resolution.

To not be so fluffy....


Of Course!

Now... off to find that fluffy, malicious Mighty Bean.