My life kind of turned inside out for a lot of years. A lot of death...a lot of heartache...and a marriage that was slowly falling apart.
It seemed at moments like the marriage could be saved, and then something would happen and great sadness would come over me. I couldn't seem to shake it. It seemed the more I became independent, the worse things were. Mr. Finn and I were always very different in how we handled most everything. I became weary and I believe I gave up. Not a very heroic thing to do, but I feel it saved me from losing myself completely.
On June 10th, I moved out with the children and there is peace.
On September 11, the divorce was final and it surprised me that I felt great sorrow. Not that I don't want the divorce, but that it became what it did. We were together 22 years...it's part of me and there is a mourning that comes with that. I wouldn't change it, I have two wonderful children that keep me youngish.
Would I go back and change it? Who wouldn't if they knew the outcome would be different? I don't believe that "my" changing would have fixed it. I believe we would still have reached this point...maybe not at this moment, but it would have come.
I haven't handled everything well. I want time to breathe and I am not being given that and so I react negatively sometimes and pull back. I will figure it out...it will take time.
