Saying Goodbye

 We traveled to Dad's funeral 3 weeks ago and laid him to rest on December 8th.  It seems like a moment ago that we arrived and started running to get everything done.  I never dreamed there would be so much work to be done.  But how easy should it be to memorialize someone that lived 69 years?

 There were so many fun and touching stories that I heard over the course of the week.  Things I did not know about my Dad, things that showed me a deeper side of him that I really didn't know that well.

 There were the things I knew.  The parts of growing up that you just know as facts, like he loved his truck.  I tried driving it once when he was out of town, although that dang old truck wouldn't let me drive him.  Never got out of the driveway and never told a soul until this week.  I wonder if he knew...

 He loved this Valley.  Only left a couple of times for short periods and then returned to his home.  I've never seen the beauty in this place, but for me there is a piece of it buried in this dusty old valley and I will think of it differently now.

 I heard a song on the radio today by Patty Loveless, called "How Can I Help You Say Goodbye".  Almost took me down...I really don't know how to say Goodbye.  I know the funeral is to help with closure but I can't stand how this feels.  I know none of us were ready.  Who ever is?  He needed to go, he was in so much pain, but I...MISS...HIM!  And it hurts...a lot.

 There is a dignified beauty in death.  We are released from this mortal existence with all it's pain and hardships.  Sometimes I wish I could go with.  I feel as if I am always saying goodbye to my Fathers. I was so young when my father, Wellington, died.  I wasn't old enough to grieve.  I feel as if I am grieving them both right now and it is an impossible feeling.  I will no longer have a father to guide me or to talk to me.  I was blessed with two...

 I am grateful for MomE that took care of him and loved him.  I know it was hard for a while with his health issues, but I admire her for doing so with love, patience and kindness.  Her loss is infinite. She is a goodly woman and he loved her deeply.  The greatest advice he ever gave me involved a story about how much he loves her.

 My Aunt Judy is the sole survivor of the siblings.  I can't imagine what that must be like.  I pray she will be comforted in the knowledge that Dad was proud of her for turning her life around and going to the temple.  This is one of those things I learned about him.  He worked to bring those back to the fold.  His friend Fred talked about how Dad had bought a trailer in Lehi, AZ when my sister and I came to live with them and how Dad talked him into moving next door since Fred had married and had two of her boys living with them as well.  (side note: That's how Bill Betts and I became friends for life)

 Anyways, he had recently been reactivated to going to church and told Fred he would be by to pick him up around 7:00 a.m. for Priesthood.  Every week he showed up and Fred stayed in bed, finally after a long while, Fred decided he better get up if Dad was going to keep showing up every Sunday.  Fred has been active in the church ever since.

 He had a band of friends, five of them, that stayed friends from grade school on.  They were all there that were still alive.  He was that kind of person.  Never met a stranger and stayed loyal to all.

I love you Dad.  Thank you for choosing to my Dad...because I know it was a choice.

Just gone

It doesn't seem possible that he is truly gone.

He just got his eyes fixed and was so excited he could see again...and then his hearing went.

Who will I call and yell into the phone to every week?

I know his health was bad and was getting worse.  He is in a better place.  No more pain.  No more meds...the addiction is over for him.

What I am realizing this morning is that "forgiveness" is relative.  It's easier to finally let everything go when they aren't around.  The good memories seem to crowd out the bad...I am grateful for that.

I am going to miss him.  After all we have been through, he is still my Dad and I love him.

That won't change.

We love you Dad, Grandpa Gary, Bruce, Wally.

Visits Galore

 What a fun year this has been.  Visiting with friends and family has been my most favorite part of it. Jen moved way too many years ago and since we were up visiting Nyoka and the family, we dropped by for a visit on our way home.

 Ms. Boo and Elise have been friends since they were in pre-k.  I can't believe how they have grown up.  Glad they get to see each other once in a while.

 And there is our Morgan.  Part of our family in her own right.  She totally grew on us.  Started out as a foul mouthed young woman when I was an advisor while pregnant with the Dude.  Look at her now, graduated from college and her first real job as an adult.  We love her.

 Miss Boo and I had fun hanging out with Mark Twain in Parkville one day.  Gave us some time to laugh and enjoy each other.

 When my amazing Aunt Lois came we got the tour of the sausage factory by Mr. Finn.

 Then we went to a street fair.  She talked me into getting my face done but notice hers stayed clean.  Hmmmm!

 I have made some new friends this year.  Most of my other ones moved away.  (insert sad face here). Cinda has included me in her literary world, she's kind of my book dealer.  LOL  Her sister, Laura, the one in the middle invited me to be part of her birthday lunch eating Sushi. So grateful for friends.

 As I said it was a great year for visits.  Rob and Katrina came to see their first grand baby so I got to hang out with him and even hold that baby for a bit.  Sure do love these two.

 I haven't seen Holly since I lived in Alaska in 1991.  What a lifesaver she was then...what a dear friend she has remained.  She was in town to help her sister with a wedding.  Bonus for me.

 Lydia is my cousin from my Uncle Eldon.  It's been about 7 years since they passed through last time.  Love that she will call me to meet here wherever they are so we can catch up.

I am feeling very blessed this year with all the visits of people I love.  So grateful.